I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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