theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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