I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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