i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
