What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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