is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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