Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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