i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Randomize
