I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
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