youre lurking in front of me
My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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