remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
