My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
