wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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