I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Randomize
