I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
