In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
What a dumb baby whore.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
