We named our party play list daddy issues
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I don't deserve a penis
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Randomize
