Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
