I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
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