I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Randomize