can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
