if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
