we have officially lost it.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
