I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
