Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
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