I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
All the doctor said was why
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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