I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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