I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
