the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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