If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
