He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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