I only kidnapped one of them. chill
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Randomize
