I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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