I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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