The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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