girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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