sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
