so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
