he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
