i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Randomize
