I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
