Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
