actually, I'm a sock model
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
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