I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
