Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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