im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
