Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Randomize
