Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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