I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Pants are for mortals
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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