thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Randomize