oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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