Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize