The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
