I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
i wish my penis had a tongue
I love having hate sex.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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