Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
porn star boner night. come get it.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize