So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
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