So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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