I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
There r osticjed everywhere
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
