Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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