it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
dude. I can hear the air.
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