Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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