dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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