I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Dicks are not precious.
Randomize
