sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
