Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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