once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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