Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
