he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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